1 Fear of responsibility
Some singles are scared of getting involved in a serious relationship because they are not ready to make a lifetime commitment. They have not taken responsibility for their lives not to talk of being responsible for someone else. So when a relationship gets to a point where they need to take it to the next level, they would back out. A guy, who is very stingy, may give up a relationship because he does not want to spend his money on a woman.
2 Fear of rejection
If you have ever suffered severe rejection before, you will understand how inhibiting this kind of fear could be. No one desires to build a relationship that does not give him or her pleasure but pain.
I know a guy who before he got married, was involved in so many relationships because he never wanted to be jilted again, so, once a lady he was involved with acted in a way that suggested he was about to be dumped, he would break up with her first. He was involved in more than 10 relationships within a few years.
Your past experience should not deter you from trying again; but before you do venture into a new relationship, make sure you have dealt with the fear of rejection. Do your best, get over it, and leave the rest to God. The person who dumped you in the past is different from the new guy or lady, however, if you carry over the baggage of your past into your future relationship, it could hinder you from being your best for your lover and subsequently destroy your new relationship. One of the problems is that your new mate would possibly remind you of what the last person did; your ex mate could make you paint a wrong picture of the opposite sex; hence, your approach to any new relationship could be from a reference point of how you were treated in the past. Unfortunately, unresolved negative emotions resulting from the past could spill over the new and destroy what you could have enjoyed. This is why you need to heal from the aftermath of a broken relationship before you move into a new one. You cannot put new wine in an old wineskin; it would tear the old wine-skin and eventually spill the new wine!
3 Fear of Commitment
It is also important that you are sure of what you want before you make commitments as this will help you to avoid jumping from one relationship to another which will lead to lose time and energy. However, fear of commitment can make some people to stay long before getting married as they see marriage as a process that ties someone down and they do not want to be tied down. They are afraid that settling down will rob them of the freedom of doing whatever they want whenever they want or they are afraid of the responsibilities that come with a lifetime commitment to just one person. Nevertheless, when such individuals approach a certain age, the fear of not finding a mate becomes another issue.
4 Fear of Intimacy
One of the reasons some individuals avoid intimacy is low self esteem; you think that your mate will see the real you if he or she gets very close. People who have past experiences they are not comfortable with, which they have kept secret a long time, may also be scared that intimacy will expose their secrets. There is nothing negative about revealing who you are to someone you love in spite of how vulnerable it makes you feel. Adam and Eve were naked but not ashamed.
5 Fear of criticism
It will amaze you to know that some people are not in a relationship because they are afraid of what their parents, siblings, friends and others would say about their choice of a mate or just the fear of what others will say. You do not live your life for others; when you define your goals in life including your relationship, do not let fear of people’s opinion cripple you. A lady may love a guy who may not be as wealthy, handsome or from a posh background according to the standards others have set for her. If she is not determined to deal with the fear of what others would say, she could abandon him. You can meet people’s expectation for you but end up struggling in your relationship.
Deal with your fears
Evaluate the kind of fear that affects you and deal with it. FEAR may not be real; it is false evidence appearing real. Speak to someone you trust about your fear. Understand the root cause of your fear and deal with it. For instance, if you are afraid of ending up with the wrong person, there are two ways to look at; 1) this fear can inhibit you from enjoying your single hood and possibly taking a bold step in accepting someone. How do I mean? If you are afraid of making the wrong choice, you would want everything to be perfect before you make a commitment. Life does not always work that way, where everything is 100% perfect. 2) This kind of fear can as well help avoid making the wrong choice if you decision is rooted in solid principles rather than emotions. You know what you want and are willing to take the step in spite of your fears. In summary, learn to enjoy your single hood, identify the important features you need in a spouse and apply the principles for knowing the right spouse. Thus, you will not be afraid of making mistakes. If you take the right steps, you will be successful.
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